The hidden epidemic
Living with a chronic illness has its challenges but when you
have to deal with people’s misconceptions and being buried in shame, daily life
can feel like an uphill battle.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) can leave women feeling ashamed
and isolated. This fertility and femininity scourge is a common condition
affecting up to 20% of women of reproductive age.
It affects a woman’s hormones causing problems with periods,
fertility and appearance, and can lead to serious health problems such as
diabetes and heart disease.
Danielle Mortimer, who has had PCOS since she was 17, knows how
it feels to be bombarded by PCOS’s symptoms and the shame that accompanies
them.
For years, she silently suffered the hair growth and skin tags.
Now at 37, she is stepping out from behind a shroud of secrecy and sharing her
journey with the world.
“Living with male-like facial hair growth, skin tags and dark
skin patches has been like a nightmare,” she said.
“You just don’t talk about these things. PCOS is a hidden
epidemic. It feels like something you should be ashamed about and those around
just don’t know what to say or how to deal with it.
“Every day we see images of how women are ‘meant’ to look
like…it is hard to reconcile that when I look in the mirror and see facial
hair, splotchy skin and extra kilos despite living a healthy life.”
Danielle said for a long time her PCOS symptoms were something
she tried to hide and was humiliated by.
“I would never talk about them, even to my closest friends and
family. It stopped me from meeting new people or forming new
relationships. I would constantly judge myself as less of a woman.”
“It is easy to talk about PCOS in a private forum where all the
other people are having similar experiences,” she said.
“It is a big thing to publicly tell people about how
PCOS has affected not only my body but my mind.
“There are five things I have learnt to do to keep moving
forward.”
- Shame be
gone
By talking about it (slowly and taking baby steps) and letting
myself be seen over time I’ve seen a big change to how I see and value myself.
- Self-talk –
a powerful tool
How I talk to myself is an ongoing journey for me and one I’m
continuing to learn. I’ve realised how I talk to myself is
critical. A good friend once said to me “talk to yourself like you would
to someone you love”. A vision of my seven year old niece came to mind – how
would I talk to her if she’d made a mistake (especially if she was trying
something new). The way I was talking to myself was berating “you idiot –
what did you do/say that for?” Whereas the reaction to my niece would
have been encouragement for trying something new.
- Support
network
By opening myself up and connecting, I have created an awesome
support network around me. Core friends I can laugh with, get angry with
and will just listen when I need a rant or a few giggles. Talking about
it has lessened my shame and made all the difference. Every time I connect and
we talk of our struggles, I heal a little more myself.
- Vulnerability
I truly believe my imperfections are what makes me
beautiful. We live in a vulnerable world. I used to close myself off.
Through emotional eating. I’d numb myself. The only problem is numbing
the hard feelings also numbs the good. I ended up numbing joy, gratitude,
happiness; feeling miserable and exposed. It was a dangerous cycle. By
accepting and sitting with my feelings – whether I am angry, sad or fearful –
and not going straight to the fridge has allowed me to learn so much more about
myself.
- Meditation
“I’m busy’ is a 21st century catch cry. I suffer from it too; my
brain is always ‘on’. When I started meditating, my thoughts would run around
in my head; I thought it would never change. I now spend time meditating daily
(often this is just stopping and breathing for a few minutes before going on to
my next task) I can now clear my mind, stop and breathe.
ENDS
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